Climbing the Great Wall

I totally didn’t expect to post anything while on vacation, but felt I had to after having such a fun day at the Great Wall.

My family and I are on a week long vacation in Beijing for the Chinese Dragon Boat Festival break. Through Marriott, the hotel we are staying in, we found this extremely nice driver who not only provided us transportation, but also the most pleasant conversation, tour guide experiences and practical assistance. His humor and wittiness transcend the limits of any language barrier.

Here is why I liked him: he went above and beyond his job description and made sure we had a good day. The day before our trip to the Great Wall, he called me and suggested a list of things to bring: water, snacks, etc. because everything sold on site is overpriced beyond belief.

And we learned that first-hand.

Sellers are scattered at various sections of the Wall, selling water, snacks, souvenirs of all kinds. Since we packed water and snacks (thanks to our driver), we didn’t really need to stop at any. But upon seeing us, one of the enthusiastic sellers picked up a couple of his trinkets and started jingling in front of our children. It was a cute plate on which “I Have Climbed the Great Wall” is engraved. I asked him how much it was sold for. 25rmb ($4), he said. After a round of fun bargaining which is customary with all street vendors in China, I bought it for 20rmb (3rmb). Not bad. A great souvenir, especially when the seller inscribes your name and date on it.

Just when I was finishing up the transaction, a fellow tourist, an American – I gathered from her accent – walked by and wanted to buy a mini Snickers bar, the size you would pay 3rmb for, this lady bought it for 50rmb!

While she was looking at the plate in my hand, the seller became very nervous and whispered in my ear, “Don’t tell her how much you paid for.” OK, I said, knowing right away why he said that to me.

You see, almost all sellers in China have two sets of pricing system. Lower prices are basically for the locals, i.e. the black hair mass; while a much higher price is reserved only for those foreign folks.

Even though I promised the young seller I would not reveal the good deal, my husband who almost never bothers about how much I pay for things, asked at this very moment, “So how much is it?” Twenty, I blurted out, having no choice but out with the truth.

Now it was the seller’s turn to be very displeased with me. “You ruined my business! I wanted to sell that to her for 120rmb ($20)” From 20rmb to 120rmb, that is big profit! Even though his accusation was not entirely emotionally charged, I could sense the resentment. I grabbed my souvenir, and my children and fled the scene, leaving my husband there, alone and confused.

Not sure why I felt so uneasy.

Is it because I felt I had exploited the seller? After all, the man needs to climb thousands of steep stairs in the scorching sun, with his heavy goods, not only plates, medals, but giant bottles of wines and cans of beers. Isn’t he entitled a little profit? I even haggled with him!

Or was I troubled because I would have concealed the great bargain from the American lady if I had a choice, and she would have paid a crazy price for something that is worth only a few dollars.

I felt so much better after leaving that scene. Our driver was certainly right about the overpriced goods on the Wall.

He was also right about another fact – the climbing to Mutianyu (the section of the Wall we chose to go) is very steep and challenging. Mutianyu is the middle section of the wall, the older wall, too, between Badaling (the most well-preserved and touristy), and Simatai (the less known one). That’s what he told us along the drive to the foot of the Wall. He also described the starting (Shanhaiguan) and ending (Gansu province) parts of the Wall in great detail and vigor. Even though his version may not be entirely true to the historical or geographical facts, I am quoting him because it must be popular beliefs among Beijingers.

The climb up is steep but manageable. Many times we stopped for rest and water breaks. The sun was sizzling, our sweat was poring, but our two children were real troopers. Even though we didn’t make it all the way to the top of the mountain, we managed 3/4 of the climb. We walked and stopped, stopped and climbed more. It’s really like what Nelson Mandela said: “After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. …”

The climb is over, back to the start point.

While climbing, our two children really admired the Wall, awed by its colossal size and marveled at the fact this great wonder was actually made two thousand years ago when mankind could not rely on the help of modern technology. My son pondered at the splendor of the enormous project, as to how long it might have taken to complete it and how many laborers had participated, how many didn’t make it to the end to see the complete work, etc.

On the way back to the hotel, the boy said with pride, “Now I’ve REALLY been to China!”

Homeschooling in the Summer

Like it or not, summer is approaching. Shanghai’s spring always feels extra short, and summer is just too powerful and pushes its way right through the middle of spring.

This time of the year, I always get questions like, “So you homeschoolers don’t get the summer off?”

Well, the answer to that question is both yes and no. Yes, we get the summer off, but no, we don’t at the same time.

The moment when you decide to homeschool, you’ll learn quickly that the activity of homeschooling is never ending; it involves a lot more than just teaching the children how to read, write, do math, rather it is a way of learning together during activities while keeping the family close together. There is no break to that. That’s just how homeschooling is. Since “school” hours are not regular – you don’t hop on and off the school bus with everyone else – you don’t have to go along with the conventional school breaks either. Everything is self-paced, your lessons, and your summer break, too.

Homeschool families are as diverse as parenting styles. I am sure some families will decide to drudge through the summer, catching up for whatever needs to be done, while other families decide to take it easy, to breathe and relax.

I, for one, belong in the latter group.

As parents, especially when we homeschool our children, we work extra hard to keep everything going, including making sure the house is running smoothly, the kids are learning, and socializing, the bills are paid, etc. I don’t know the situation of other homeschooling families too well, but my children and I work through the week without much break. I know I get tired, of homeschooling, of spending the major part of my days on 1st and 5th grade Math and Language Arts, and above all, of keeping things all together and on schedule. And I know a break in the summer will do wonder to my mind and body. I desperately need to recharge the battery and renew the energy so that I have full horsepower to run everything.

If I am feeling the strain, imagine how the children feel!

So in the spirit of recharge and renew, I am going to propose a light version of homeschooling for us this summer, meaning more time to relax and less work, less  anything related to “school”.

Children are like us, they need time to themselves, to loosen up, to think, to stare at the ceiling and think about …… nothing. Most importantly, they need to play, laugh, giggle, have fun, and be children. They learn though play, and best of all, their imagination is totally freed while playing and having fun.

Swiss Week in Shanghai

It has been raining most of the day, not the kind of pouring rain, but wet and messy enough to keep us home, a good excuse to stay indoors and pound away at our curriculum.

A homeschool friend called and invited us to go check out the Swiss Week. I had heard of this event, but with the rain everyday lately, it was hard to get motivated.

The goals of the event are to increase awareness of Switzerland, its culture, people, cuisine, and industries, to provide a platform for Swiss products and services to the Chinese public. I read that around 300,000 to 500,000 visitors are expected to attend the event to taste and discover a bit of Switzerland in Shanghai.

The event takes place on the pedestrian street of Yandang Rd., near HuaiHai Zhong Rd. It started on Thursday May 30th and ends on Sunday June 2nd 2013.

I guess not a lot of people considered it a fun day to walk through the steady rain. So the place was pleasantly spaced out when we got there.

Among the many things we’ve learned, the children are most impressed with the Swiss horn; of course, the tasting of authentic Swiss chocolates, cheese, fondue, and candies tops the list of fun; and the high quality air and water purifying device proved to be very fascinating, too.

Life performance of the Swiss horn

Each child got souvenir: a mini horn, with music and Swiss pen all in one

Fascinated by the Swiss humidifier

We couldn’t ask for a better Friday, a day of exploring and learning about another culture while having fun with friends.

Debunking the Homeschooling Myths

The other day my kids and I were hanging out in our compound. It was one of those nice days before the heat and humidity took over Shanghai. The weather was pleasant. Swarms of running kids and chattering parents/nannies filled up the place. It was a day of social gathering.

My two children wasted no time joining the fun, playing hide-and-seek with our neighborhood kids, while I was catching up with texting a few homeschool friends about our weekly get-togethers.

A mom next to me started talking to me. During the conversation, the topic of school naturally came up. I mentioned my kids don’t go to school and I homeschool them. I swear her eyes nearly popped out of the sockets! With her eyes widened and ears perked up, she asked me, “Are you going to bear more children?”

It was my turn to be flabbergasted! She explained that in China homeschooling is still illegal, and her only understanding of homeschooling comes from abroad, that only large families homeschool.

I told her that as much as I wanted more children, my brood is now complete and I don’t intend to have more. I also let her know that many large families homeschool, but more families out there with two children just like us, also choose to homeschool.

She then went on asking me if I am super religious or independently wealthy. Another stereotype. Like other people I’ve come to contact with, she associates homeschool families to be either religious or wealthy. For us, it’s neither. I am sure some homeschool families are religious or wealthy, but I am equally certain other homeschool families choose the path of homeschooling their children based on other reasons. A homeschool family is not automatically defined with religion or wealth.

This reminds me of an incident that happened many years ago while we were living in Chicago. Our main transportation to get around the city was by bus. On one of the week days, I was on the bus with my kids. My son was then 7 years old, of school age. An elderly lady asked with quite a tone in her voice, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but is it Saturday or Sunday today?” I said, “It’s Thursday.” Hearing that, she rightfully challenged me, “Why isn’t he in school?” referring to my 7 year old. I had to explain to her with humility that I teach him at home. She then said with a more softened voice, “Oh, I understand. You must be a teacher.”

Her initial reaction of seeing me on a school day with a school age child is not unique. From blank stares to the facial that tells me they think we’re weirdos, we’ve seen it all. One time I was asked if I bake my own bread and make our own furniture!

When my son first joined Cub Scouts Shanghai, one of the first questions was which international school he was attending. When my son answered that he was homeschooled, the question went to how much socialization he gets, and if he has neighborhood friends or is participating in any sports. When the answer was yes, we saw signs of relief. This seemed to give them the impression that we are not the typical homeschoolers, those unsocialized ones.

Regardless of these stereotypes, I notice one thing that is common with all homeschool families: strong family ties. This comes naturally from the activities we do together, either learning, vacationing, doing projects and experiments, or playing and reading together, all with the parents being part of it. Children are not only siblings but also friends, and children and parents become friends in the process, too.

Despite the misconceptions about homeschool families, I did enjoy talking with that mom. I hope our chat helped her see more clearly how homeschooling is like so that her false assumptions can be debunked to some extent. Right now there are not many local homeschool families in Shanghai, maybe one day it will be a common trend, especially given how the rote memorization school system is doing to the kids.

A Wonderful Year of Girl Scouting

My daughter has been with the USA Girl Scouts Shanghai for a year. When she joined, she was only five, the youngest of the Daisy troop. She’s had a great year. Here are a few highlights of the fun events.

Baking day. Enjoying the pizza made by themselves. Yum!

Getting super SERIOUS for World Thinking Day (WTD).

World Thinking Day Opening Ceremony.

One of the themes of the WTD is “Together we can save children’s lives”. This theme is based on Millennium Development Goal 4, which is focused on reducing child mortality rates around the globe. With the bucket on the head, the girls were “living” the life of an African girl who walks many miles to fetch water everyday for her family. With no shoes or proper clothing, she faces the danger of being bitten by poisonous snakes along the way. Water is extremely precious in her village. To save water and resources is a message well received by the girls.

Worksheets on Fire Safety.

With Maya.

Some craft fun – making a souvenir with rolls of paper towel, flags, sparkly stickers, etc.

Mother Daughter Tea, for mothers and daughters to spend some quality time, not only with ourselves, but with other moms and daughters, accompanied with delicious afternoon tea, sweets, salads, and fruits, etc. We were one of the few girls that forgot the uniform. Oops!

With Angie and her mom. Proudly showing off the Mother Daughter Owl Brooch we made from scratch. The project of making the brooch turned out to be more challenging than expected for someone like myself who desperately need to brush up on sewing, a skill hardly practiced. But with the help of experts, the job was done. Yay!

In front of the Paulaner Brauhaus restaurant, where the Father Daughter Dance event took place.

Dancing away!

In this adored event, the girls went to a flower shop, picked out flowers and vases, and arranged their own flowers. They were all very happy with the end results! Beautiful!

Nothing can beat a cold treat from Mcdonald’s on a hot hot summer day! Flowers and ice cream on the same day? What a perfect combination!

Well, it looks like the fun is over for now. We were all hoping next year my little girl will be promoted to Brownie, but words came that she is too young for that, and we have to wait until she turns seven. Oh well … we’ll wait. Meanwhile, happy scouting for other girls! It has been quite a fun year.

Three-Passenger Bike

On our way to Century Park one day, we saw this family of four sharing a bike. This woman, being a skillful rider, was riding the bike fairly fast, as if trying to be somewhere at a certain time. From the way she maneuvered the bike and how the kids were looking around leisurely and enjoying the scenery, you can tell that’s not the first time they were commuting like this. It could be their daily transportation from place to place; it could be the way she picks up the older girl from school, and the two little ones insist on riding along; or the boy really likes to try the front seat in every vehicle; or the middle child is inseparable from the mother; or maybe she is challenging other urban dwellers that her bike can take just as many passengers as a car; or may she is trying to showcase the kind of trust her kids have in her.

What do you think their story is?

Life without Chores

In most countries, the age of eighteen is a historical moment; it is a transition from childhood to adulthood. In practical terms, an eighteen year old can move out of the house, have a life of his own, therefore marking the end of the parents’ day to day control and responsibilities over him.

When I lived in England many years ago, I used to spend many of my weekends with an English couple. They have a son named Richard. When Richard turned eighteen, he moved out. Nothing extraordinary, you may say. What was a little unusual (to me anyway) was that he had to pay for his meals at his parents’.

I asked the couple why they went to such extreme as to asking their own son to pay £1 each time he had dinner with them. Mean and penny-pinching they may sound, they were teaching their son the meaning of independence, so I was told.

It is inevitable poor Richard had to cook his own meals, do his own laundry, and develop all other kinds of basic domestic skills just to live and survive, for the simple fact that he couldn’t rely on his parents anymore.

In China however, the story of Richard can only be fictional. If your eighteen year old moves out of the house, you’ll be laughed at and barraged with questions. What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with the parents? Don’t they love their son anymore?

The cultural and social pattern of the living arrangement between parents and grown children are very much different from Richard and his parents’ situation.

Many young(er) Chinese live with their parents. It is common to see grown children, even married ones live under the same roof with the older generation. And they have perfect excuses of relying on the elderly, such as working long hours and having no time to cook their own meals after work. So the parents naturally become the live-in cook and helper. From the parents’ perspective, they love doing it, because they want the children to focus on school and career only.

This trend can be traced back decades ago.

All my years living in China, from primary, high school to college, to teaching in a university, my mother did a lot for me. I never had to sew a button or iron a shirt. I “cooked” my first instant noodle after graduating from college in my early twenties. I had to. I am sure if I married a Chinese boy next door, my parents would keep on doing what they did, and my domestic skills would still remain zero.

I asked my mom whether she was worried about my total lack of domestic skills back then. She wasn’t, she said, and knew I would pick it up naturally when the need arose.

While I admire her confidence, I also understand why she was like a mother hen never leaving her chicks’ side. Like every other parent, she felt and lived the pressure of competition from my peers, schools and the whole society and wanted me to study because a young person’s success was only measured with scores and grades, the only yardstick of academic success. Other skills simply didn’t enter the equation. Therefore these skills have a long history of being ignored, and under-developed because society doesn’t consider it important, so mothers just take over. Now with the ayis (domestic helpers) phenomenon so prevalent, young men and women can really go through life without sewing a button.

The family structure also makes habits hard to break. Many young people live near their parents or in-laws after they marry, so the need for chores never arises. For those 

who don’t live close to the parents or in-laws, they hire an ayi for cooking and laundry. A lot of young people choose to buy their own place after they marry, so they can dine frequently with their parents and then go back to their own house. Not only do they get their privacy, they can also take care of the parents without having to commute. 
This kind of separation is affectionately called “the distance of a bowl of soup,” which means the distance is so small that a bowl of hot soup from the children will still be hot when it gets to the parents. But the fact remains this kind of living arrangement makes it easier for the married children to be looked after, making the lack of life skills a fact of life.

Some colleges and universities make it their focus these days to help their students become independent. Actions are taken from day one, starting with freshmen registration. Some universities in Shanghai have the “parents keep-out” sign on registration day in order to break the habit of parents hovering over and doing everything. This way, the students have to complete the paperwork themselves. Imagine that! 

Some anxious parents constantly ring their children up on the phone, reminding them where they had packed their letter of admission, money, study materials and other items in their backpack.

 Some parents are so anxious that they try to sneak through the “keep out” sign.

These colleges are aware of the separation anxiety some parents and kids are going through, but they are sending out a strong message that these youngsters can do fine without being escorted and waited on all the time.

But can they? How is life after getting in college?

A lot of college dorms see ayis do all kinds of chores. My older niece who is in her second year in college shares the cost of hiring a helper with her roommates, because she told me, it is just the trend these days, which encourages young people not to touch a pan or iron a shirt. Today’s young Chinese tend to treat meals less seriously than their parents’ generation. Some believe that having a meal is the same as having a snack. With this kind of thinking, who would bother to spend time on cooking?